When I do goal-coaching sessions, there are always a few questions that come up frequently. Because they’re so common, and since many people don’t have the benefit of a life coach, I compiled the questions that arise frequently. There isn’t any one answer that will work for everyone, but I hope my answers are valuable, and that you can relate to them in some way.
To give you some insight into how life coaching can work here are highlights of my recent live coaching session with my social sphere. Did you miss it? That’s okay! I’ll share some highlights here.
Q: I am single and I hate it! I have been going on dates, but not meeting anyone I dig. OMG love is a battlefield. Help!
A: Pay attention to how you feel before each date and how you feel before going online to check your online dating profile. If you feel defeated or exhausted, that energy can be transferred to the experience. Consider spending time with yourself and enjoying your own company first. Instead of going out and chasing love…be the person you want to attract, and watch the love come to you.
Q: I would love to travel more, but money is a constraint.
A: Determine the trip you really want to take and figure out how much it will cost you. Pick a possible date to travel and work your way backwards. Do one thing everyday toward your goal. For example, look up house swaps, airfare, or put a deposit down for that cruise. Taking action toward your goal will empower you, and you will be showing the universe you are serious. The money will come when you focus and apply yourself to making the goal a reality.
Q: How did you stop the lapses of addiction? I find that when I am feeling trapped or stressed about my job, I fall back into my addictions.
A: When we turn to addiction it is usually because it is a habit that still serves us. Breaking free from addictions is possible with compassion and timing. Instead of resisting the addiction or looking at it as bad, consider looking at it as a learning tool. We turn to substances and addictions to help us feel better, which means there is an area of your life you are unhappy with; you said yours is your job. To resolve the addictive pattern, look at and address the area you are trying to hide or ignore.
When I was in corporate I used drugs to escape my life. The need to turn to chemical substances to alter my mood disappeared completely when I started to do work that I felt connected to. For right now, instead of looking at the lapses as “bad,” consider each time you fall into the behavior, instead think of it as you actually getting closer to healing the problem area of your life. It is an opportunity for deeper growth and understanding of your true purpose.
Q: I am in a job I hate. I try to see the good, but it’s so hard to power through the negativity around me and do a job I have no passion for. How do I break free from this?
A: The best thing to do when feeling “stuck” between a place you are and the place you want to be is to recognize you may still be in a learning phase. Part of building a bridge is to set yourself up for success in the long run. If the job you hate pays the bills while you fund your passion, you can turn to your job with appreciation enabling you to start that pursuit. By thanking your job for funding your future, you can have more compassion for the moment. Also, know that there is timing to everything; you may think you should be in your new job and new life now, but the universe has a plan greater than yours. Trust the process and know that every day you are creating more of what you love. Keep following your heart and know you are right where you need to be.
Q: I have done everything I thought I was supposed to do – I got a degree, got a great job, got married, and yet I feel empty and unhappy inside. I thought I wanted this WTF?
A: The key word in your question is “supposed” to do. When we do what the world thinks we should do, or what we are “supposed” to do, we will always feel a sense of emptiness. This is because we are looking outside of ourselves and trying to fit the world. I learned in my own journey working in a corporate environment with it’s accompanying enormous pressure of life, that trying to meet its demands and fit to what we are supposed to do, can leave us exhausted and depressed. The turning point is for you to recognize that everything you have done in your life up until now has prepared you to be who you are really supposed to be. Instead of regretting the past or thinking that it has kept you from where you “ should be” recognize that the emptiness goes away when we turn inward for our happiness instead of looking for happiness outside of ourselves.
The reward comes when you ask yourself
1. Who am I?
2. What do I really want?
3. What can I do today that my future-self will hug me for?
Q: My husband and I have been married 5 years now and I think its time to get pregnant, but I am having a hard time finding steady work. Should I wait until I have a more secure job?
A: I would ask yourself why you feel it is the “right” time to get pregnant. Does the answer come from your head or your heart? If it comes from your head, it will be driven by pressures from society, the fact that you have been married 5 plus years, your biological clock is ticking etc., but if it comes from your heart you will feel love, joy and an overwhelming sensation that it is the best thing for you and your husband. Trust your heart. Perhaps your job situation and the fact that you are not finding steady work is because it is time for a baby. Consider that the job situation will fall into place when you make the choice to do what feels right. Instead of putting off your happiness do what is best for you in the now.
Q: I am divorced and single, and now when I see engagement announcements, wedding pictures, and professions of love on Facebook, or couples kissing I feel extremely annoyed. I guess I feel like a failure in love right now. How do you recommend I turn this into a more positive thought?
A: Often times when we see others experiencing joy and we feel annoyed, it is because they have something we want but that we feel we “can’t have.” The annoyance and feelings of bitterness you feel stem from a place of feeling lonely or unworthy. Explore your insecurities to remove these emotions. One way to attract love into your life is to, each time you see others happy and in love, say to yourself, “That is on its way to me. The universe is showing me what is possible for me!” Instead of resenting other displays of affection, lean into them and share their joy!
Another opportunity to alleviate these feelings is to treat yourself with more love. Take yourself on dates; treat yourself to spa time or a new book. Give yourself the attention and love you seek in a relationship. And also, know that being willing to forgive yourself and your ex can help you feel calmer in these instances.
Q: I have trouble with following through. I get excited about starting something new, but then I give up. How do I make myself follow through?
A: Making yourself do anything that feels like a chore will never serve you in the long run. The best thing to do is access “why” you started in the first place. Connect with the passion. Many times we give up to soon, or stop following through, because we lose sight of the why we started the journey which allows fear to step in. Sometimes we give up because it seems too hard to accomplish, or it will take too much time. To combat this, you can set tangible goals to help you reach your bigger goal. Do at least one thing every day that your future self will thank you for.
Q: I am struggling to find my purpose, how do I find my passion when I don’t feel any?
A: A lot of the anxiety you feel right now is tied to the unknown future. This can prevent you from accessing joy and finding your passion. Set the intention that you are open to learning more about yourself and nourish the nudges. You will get guidance from your heart on things to try and do. Allow yourself to be present in the process and to be okay with not knowing. Everything will fall into place at the right time. Enjoy the journey, and know that every day you are learning more about yourself.
Working with a coach and setting goal setting is all about creating a life you are super in love with. It’s not about being better or having more. Create a vision of your ideal life and set goals to get you there. I dare you to be super awesome.
To connect with Shannon and learn more about coaching visit the coach page and request a FREE 15 min call.
