How to Change Your Outcome ~ Tips from a Recovering Worryholic

A great quote I came across by an unknown author is, “Worrying is like praying for what we don’t want.” Yuck, who wants to do that. Are you “praying” for what you don’t want? There is a reason worriers are called worrywarts. Because worrying is a nasty ugly bump in your life. Worry makes things seem worse than they are. Worry is an ugly cousin of fear.

But I have to admit, worry was my middle name a few years ago. I worried about everything from what drink I should order at Starbucks to why my boss hadn’t said good morning. My entire life revolved around the tight knot clenched in my chest. I was anxious, scared, and saturated in fear. Fear is just our mind’s way of saying, “Whoa! Watch out! Danger ahead, uncomfortable things approaching.” Fear can actually help us make better choices. Fear is synonymous with the little voices in our heads. When we hear them we can choose to listen and believe them to be true or to say, “Thank you for your input but I would like to not listen to you. Fear, please go away.”

Worry makes it harder for us to recognize what is driving our lives. Many of us see things happening out in the world and we take it all in and worry about our safety or future; our “right now” is consumed with deprecating, fear-based thoughts. One solution is to turn off the media. Our media spotlights fear-based reactionary stories: natural, financial and political disasters, violent crime, dismal forecasts, and distressing exposés. The media is a huge contributor to our internal dialog.

We worry about potential people and what they might or might not do. Worry becomes the everyday vernacular. We stick together with our collective consciousness of worry. But what if there was another way to live? What if we removed worry from our lives and learned to embrace the unknown?

What if worry became a signal of opportunity? Instead of worrying about a situation, we can learn to embrace it and accept it fully. Worrying about something doesn’t change anything except your current state. Worrying makes us feel separated, anxious, and stressed, but if we shift away from this emotional state we can bask in love, joy, and abundant excitement.

When I feel myself start to worry now, I confront it and ask, “Why are you worried?” Almost every time I am able to see that the worry is just a barrier between where I am now and where I really want to be. Fear and worry have a funny way of obstructing our dreams. Once we recognize their purpose we can bust through them and love every second of our lives.

For example, I stayed in advertising, behind a desk job three years past the time I knew I didn’t want to be there, but worry of the unknown kept me there. My fear was, “How will I pay my bills if I quit?” I worried about the future and the giant sea of the unknown. This worry consumed me and kept me unhappy. It was really just a red flashing light into an unknown territory.

The truth is, I had never ventured into the great big world of being your own boss. I knew I wanted it, but it was new and foreign to me. Naturally, from where I was sitting, it was a long haul to get to where I wanted to be: a self-employed, full-time writer. I knew what my dream was but worry stopped me from getting it. I finally took a stand for myself and punched through the worry. When I got to the other side of my fear I realized it wasn’t nearly as bad as my little voices had cracked it up to be. In life, risks are not as scary once you take them. 

Once I took that leap into the unknown I recognized a new me. For the first time in my life I had peace with myself. I felt abundant, excited, and alive. Fear and worry have a funny way of obstructing our dreams. Once we recognize their purpose we can bust through them and love every second of our lives.

A few months ago my 92-year-old Grandma was sitting next to me, and I recognized that her reality was much different than mine. Here was a woman who has lived through the Great Depression, World War II, the Civil Rights Movement, Cuban Missile Crisis, the assassination of President Kennedy, 9/11, and now witnesses the administration of the first black president. But there she sat, with a soft subtle glow. Grandma always smiles, and she had a peaceful spark in her eyes. It occurs to me that my mini dramas, the self-loathing, and worrying about my next assignment are rather superficial in comparison. I asked this beautiful woman, “In your life, how did you get through the tough times?” She looked over at me and simply says, “Well it all works out in the end now doesn’t it? There is no point in worrying when things always turn out fine.”

2 thoughts on “How to Change Your Outcome ~ Tips from a Recovering Worryholic

  1. Laura Kaiser Reply

    Got to love Joanie! Her words of wisdom are always priceless! Thanks again for sharing from your own experiences, good words to reflect on. Ahhh … it all works out in the end now, doesn’t it!

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