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Do you have dreams and goals that are not coming true? After speaking events and group workshops, I always meet people who come up and express their desire to make their goals come true, but they are always so exhausted from helping others.
Can you relate? Do you feel like you are there for everyone else, but at the end of the day, you don’t seem to show up fully for yourself?
Many of us do this because we want those around us to feel safe, happy, and secure, but when we sacrifice our own needs in the pursuit of pleasing others, it causes internal conflict and problems.
Here are three simple ways for you to stop ignoring your own needs.
1. Adopt the word “no”
Meet Sam. She is a people pleaser and she loves to help others. She has a goal of losing weight and recently joined a gym. Last week, she put on her new running shoes and was excited to go to a Zumba class. Her best friend, who just had a baby, called in a panic and Sam dropped everything to help her friend. All of her friends say she is the best friend a person can have. But at night, Sam mentally berates herself because she can’t accomplish her goals or stick to follow-through. She is alone, sad, and overweight.
This situation is a very common example of people who are prone to people pleasing. I know because I use to be one. I would drop everything to help others, but I realized that the most important relationship in my life is the one with myself. If I am there for everyone else but not me, then ultimately I am not really showing up fully for others. This radical shift encouraged me to learn the power of no. Now “no” is my go-to response, because I have to value my time, energy, and resources. Start saying no and watch your self-worth increase. You will have more time and energy for yourself.
This week, say no more! In the comments below, what will you say no too?
2. Radical reset
A radical reset is a method I subscribe to religiously because it works. The radical reset is about doing a mental makeover by completely overhauling your habits. Let’s say you want to lose weight. A radical reset would be joining a gym or signing up for your first 10K or investing in a nutrition or intuitive counselor.
My friend Amy Leigh Mercree is a fabulous mentor, coach, and medical reader. I had a session with her last week, and she jump-started my health routine and gave me the best radical reset. You might be interested in checking her out here.
3. Trust the process
There is a time and place and certain flow to life. The universe has a natural timing to achieve your goals. If you have been trying to lose weight but the number on the scale isn’t dropping as fast as you’d like, consider yourself in a process of learning, growing, and achieving, and learn to enjoy that process by being fully in the journey.
Shannon I totally agree with you, this is a topic that my wife and I discuss all the time. I know how to say “no” while she never says “no”. She’s a very organized person who writes down her daily/weekly plans. Both of our schedules are pretty busy. But she constantly allows her plans to be disrupted by the occasional last minute call from a sibling asking her to babysit a niece or nephew or the last minute request to “do me a favor and…”. She’ll never complain, but I’m the one who sees her tiring her self out staying up until 3am trying to stay on track with her plans. I’ve told her that saying “no” doesn’t make you a selfish person. There is a way to balance out taking care of your own needs while still helping others. She has a tender heart but sometimes you just have to say no.
This is great. Thanks for sharing. Glad you have used the power of no and share it with your loved ones.
I’m afraid the video is not available in Germany due to copy right issues (with the music you used) 🙁
Yes, so sorry working on fixing the issue.